What the Heck is Wrong with You, Mama?

​It was 8:30 on a Monday morning and my husband had just left for work. I found myself staring at the clock counting down the hours until nap time (four more hours until I can catch up on laundry and Real Housewives). Kingston was screaming because he couldn’t have chocolate  for breakfast and Preslie was ready for a nap..already. I started to dread that this was gonna be one of those days…Ya know, twenty temper tantrums and seven timeouts. Lately, I’ve been having a lot of those days…and I kept blaming it on the fact that my kids were going through growth spurts or teething or they didn’t sleep well the night before. But if I’m being honest, that wasn’t the problem at all.

I had lost sight of the reason I decided to become a stay at home mom in the first place. I started treating it like any other job, just trying to make it through the next shift…counting down the hours until daddy got home so I could have a break. I found myself constantly complaining about being tired and how hard it is to be a mom. My days were revolving around the same old boring schedule and, to be honest, I probably wasn’t much fun to be around.

I couldnt help but think, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I becomming such a negative Nancy? I didn’t become a stay at home mom to have a clean house or to catch up on my TV shows. I didnt choose to stay at home so I could do a mediocre job at it. If I was going to act like this, why not just go back to work?

So I decided, right then and there, that it was time to make a change. I reminded myself of the mom I was 20 months ago, right after my son was born. That’s the mom I was going to be. I was going to enjoy these moments while I still can. I was going to laugh and sing and play with my babies ALL DAY.  I was going to put my phone away, turn off the TV, and take my butt outside to chase them around in the yard. No more staring at the clock.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d say that I’m a pretty good mom most of the time. My kids are usually laughing and having a good time. We are learning our shapes and colors and they’ve been hitting every milestone. They’re happy kids!! But, is that really what I want? To be a pretty good mom? Do I want to look back in twenty years and say I did an okay job raising my kids? No. Absolutely not. I want to be the mom that I had growing up. I want to be the mom that people write books about and make movies about. I want to inspire my kids and give them someone to look up to. I want my kids to look at me and know that I’m doing everything I possibly can to give them the best life.

Having the cleanest house isn’t the most important thing in the world. Gossiping with my friends about reality TV isn’t even a little bit important. My kids opinions of me…that’s what matters. Making memories with them and giving them a great childhood is my first priority. That’s where I plan to start focusing all of my energy. I’m still gonna make mistakes and we’ll still have bad days. But, I think I can do better.

I want my kids to chase after adventure and get out of their comfort zones.  I want them to jump in puddles while the rain pours down on them. I want them to swim in cold lakes, hike the tallest mountains, and sleep under the stars. I want them to dance like nobody’s watching and sing at the top of their lungs unapologetically . I don’t want them to just exist. What kind of example am I setting for them?

So, this is my vow, to enjoy the time I have with my babies while they are still so little. When he asks me to go outside today, I’ll say yes. When he takes off running in the grass, I’m gonna be his monster and chase him around screaming “ROARRRRR!!”. When she starts crying, I’ll put her in the stroller and we’ll all go for a walk…I’ll teach her about the leaves and the flowers and the clouds. When they get bored, we’ll go find adventure.

If you call or text me today, don’t be surprised when you don’t get a response. We’re too busy making memories!!

2 Replies to “What the Heck is Wrong with You, Mama?”

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